Split personality....

Today I went to get my CRB form sorted out. Again. This is the third time I have attempted it and I had hoped that it was third time lucky.

I made sure I had all of the right sections of the form filled in; this time that 'Fill out sections A-H' that is written at the top of the page didn't fool me again, I ignored that and read the 'Do not fill out sections E, F, G, H, X and Y'

I searched the house for the various bits of paper that were needed. This proved fairly tricky because

• My passport is still in my maiden name because I nearly got divorced after attempting to fill the change of name form in and decided I would leave it until my passport ran out.
• All utility bills are in Mr Nicsknots name or paperless.
• Bank statements are paperless.
• Credit card is in maiden name because my darling sister lost our marriage certificate a week after we got married so I couldn't change my name and now I don't really want to.
• I don't have catalogue statements/store-cards/other random things that would prove that I am me.

So I went to the council offices where, quite frankly, bullet-proof vests should be handed out on the door; the chairs are screwed to the floor, presumably so that they can't be thrown at people and the staff on reception would rather you don't speak to them because either they don't like people or they are scared you might shout at them.

I waited for 38minutes to be seen by someone during which time a child attached itself to my leg and was convinced I was its Mum. The actual Mum was too busy arguing with (possibly) the Dad to notice that her darling child had left her then screamed at the poor child when she remembered that she was supposed to be looking after someone.

Anyway, eventually I was called to the booth, the woman went through my form, told me it was all right (horray!) but that I had to bring the paper bit of my driving license for it to be a valid form of ID. ARGH!